Time flies, eh? I remember just awhile ago, I was feeling bewildered yet excited when I stepped into the departure hall all myself for the first time. Fast forward, it is already my final month in Japan.
Having said that, I should be seizing my final moments in Japan to have as much fun as possible, right? Yet, a heavy burden is weighing down on my weary heart... And I have no strength to carry on...
What could potentially be a lifelong brotherhood has crumbled to become a bitter, silent dissension. A misunderstanding has escalated into a grudge. As the saying goes, "ignorance is bliss". In cases such as this, I wish I never had the God-given gift of discernment...
He continues to greet me with a smile but I know behind the facade, things are not the same anymore. Confronted with hypocrisy, I was consumed with anger.
I didn't want to look like a sucker by initiating a reconciliation for the umpteen time. So, I chose the cool way out and acted as if I didn't need his friendship. He, on his part, wanted to prove to me that he's doing fine without me in his life. Lamenting the fragility of human relationships, for a moment, the devil had victory over my entire being.
I was tempted by the evil one to post derogatory comments on FB to spite him, but the lingering presence of the Holy Spirit hindered me from doing so. I'm a person with strong moral beliefs, but my lack of spiritual discipline would eventually lead me to the ruins.
I thank God for a fellow Singaporean sister-in-Christ, but most importantly, a fervent Christian girlfriend. Their words and advice offer me spiritual comfort. My sanity is kept intact despite the pain.
I have been too far away from God, and I cannot hear Him anymore. Despite so, I made a prayer to Him and I have hope in my heart that He is listening and He is guiding me back to the path which I have strayed from. I release the resentment which I have been harboring in my heart into His merciful hands.
In Your strength will I break through, Lord