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Name: Lim Fang Wei Benedict
Alias: MightyFlameboy
D.O.B: 22/10/1986
Likes: Japan, music, fashion, computer games, travelling

KC
Debbie
Janet
Jamie
Valerie
Vanessa
Victor
Elicia
Wendy
Adeline
Jonathan Lexing Tan
StudioForMan
Inchz Couture
Joyce's Fashion Shop

June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010

designer: frozen.d}
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Goodness gracious... I seriously can't seem to concentrate on my final exam revision for this past week... 2 days left before my first paper starts, and I really hope everything will go well... (>.<)

I was rushing to finish my MA1101R helpsheets (which took me friggin' long to complete) and wasn't really in the right state of mind to attend a birthday party. But hey, the birthday boy's Weijie! =)

And after the ordeal I've went through this semester, I've come to realize the importance of investing time and effort in friends who can go the distance with me, and I have faith that Weijie will be one of them if he returns to CHC. =D

Recently, I started an email thinggy with some of my friends from the infamous project group I had ranted about, cos' unfortunately, they read my blog. Thankfully, they understood that I just needed to take this burden off my chest, and I didn't bear any ill intentions.

Although it's a tad bit too late, since the conflict hit its peak weeks ago, it's still great to thrash things out now, so that it paves the way for better friendship next semester onwards, instead of letting history repeat itself. Better late than never!

Now, I fully grasp the meaning of 'retail therapy'. HAHA! =) When I'm feeling down and depressed, buying something which I like really helps improve my mood alot. I've just received my Japanese scholboy jacket, and it rocks! Just gotta muster more confidence to wear something out of the typical Singaporean 'norm'. =S

Dropped by HMV last weekend and decided to buy not one, but two music albums, cos' I've not bought any albums for the past 1-2 months.

I was a little skeptical of Utada Hikaru's efforts in the States, since the last English album she had was rather a flop. But I'm glad I'm bought it, cos' she really got her groove back!

I couldn't care less about this teenybopper and like most matured music lovers, I preferred David Cook. But hey, when his song played over the airwaves of HMV, I was instantly hooked. Oh, that song was "My Hands". Do Youtube or Google it up to hear a quick sample!

I'm still waiting for Tohoshinki's new album to be released in SG! Super slowww la... >:( And considering whether I should buy the new Faith2 compliation CD as well! =)

And... I'll probably buy some stuff from the new online spree hosted by KC's colleague this month. Bah, I gotta stop this somehow. =S

The deep emotional setback I had suffered for the past few weeks have come and gone... Yet, uncertainties loom over my life in the wake of the aftermath. Despite mending my relationships with half of my project group, I still think going lone-ranger next semester would be the correct path for me to take.

My new CG is also divided into our 3 old CGs. But the good thing was that I got to get back with an old church friend whom I was close to years ago. And we both reminisce about the old times which were far more vibrant and exciting, compared to the dredgery of the present. Hopefully, my last youth CG ministry won't go 'kaput' on me.

How will my life pan out after this semester is done and over with? Even I can't be certain, but I'm praying that God will lead me on the right path.

And... It's finally over... My last computing project is submitted and I can finally wash my hands off this. I'm sooo tempted to rant again, but as I looked back my posts, gosh, 5 consecutive posts of non-stop ranting! (>.<) I guess everyone's sick of my emo posts, so I guess I shall try my best to put this nightmare of a saga behind me, and start looking forward again. To end everything proper, I feel that I should express my gratitude to the friends who have stood by me during my lowest point in life.

KC, Deb, Janet

They're my weekly source of encouragement, and when I'm with them just having fun, my problems seem to fade away in the distance... Just for one day... But I'm still grateful that they continue to show support through tagging my blog. Thank you guys!

Victor

Haha, it's kinda weird how we were mere acquaintances since we were last together in the original E348, and in a matter of months, we're confiding in each other. Thanks for the spiritual encouragement and all the prayers! =)

Yong Loong

Our MSN convos are always peppered with nonsensical mentions of Changi Village bapoks, but when I really needed support, he would know when to be serious and lend a listening ear. When I was isolated and emo during project all-nighters, chatting to him online seemed to be the only comfort I had. Thanks laoda! And dun let the bapoks catch u! LOL!

Zhi Xiang

We've not really been keeping in contact cos' we're branching out in our majors so we dun have many opportunities to meet. Nevertheless, he often tagged encouraging words on my blog, and it's great to have a fellow NUS friend who can empathize with my situation showing concern for my predicament. Thanks alot, I appreciate it alot. =)

Just a few more project presentations and I'll be switching on full gears for my final exam revision. I've wasted far too much time on those disgusting projects. Once again, thank you to everyone, and anyone not mentioned, who have shown concern for my life. (^_^)

Finally, the madness is over. Right down to the last minute, those dudes were still frantically doing last minute work. Even had to miss our pre-allocated presentation timeslot, and postpone it to an hour later cos' we just weren't prepared!

One group was given grace and were allowed to present on Monday, meaning more time to touch up their work. When my project mate suggested we try getting the same favour from our lecturer, I was like... "HELL NO! I NEED TO DO OTHER PROJECTS AND STUDY FOR MY TESTS". It feels kinda weird rejecting the idea of project extension for the first time in my entire friggin' life.

And... We kinda pissed the lecturer off for being late for both lecture and presentation cos' we were rushing for time doing the project, giving a disorganized, slipshod presentation.

And besides, this module is focusing on interface interactivity, but they were so caught up with fanciful 3D graphics and animations instead, which I felt was relatively unimportant for the scope of this project.

I mean... We had one project mate dedicated solely to graphic design! We could have better allocation of tasks... So, I've got a feeling we'll get low marks despite the gargantuan effort we put in anyway. *shrugs*

I had this indescribable feeling of freedom once we're done with the presentation. No more late nights. No more rushing. No more conflicts. But I still can't afford to relax! 2 more projects to settle. Maths lab quiz coming up. As well as the final exams of cos', a whooping total of 5 this semester compared to only 3 last semester. (>.<)

Alright, I'm done ranting about school. Unless that bugger whom I've mentioned for the past few blog posts irritates me again with his ridiculous demands. >:(

E441... A new beginning in my church life. It's just a blatant merging of CGL-less CGs *lol*. The hype was buzzing since last December, about how CGs would be totally reshuffled. I was excited regarding the possibilities of getting together with some of my good church buddies such as Royston, or get to know talented people such as Ryan.

Pity that didn't come to fruition. =S Seems like the whole reshuffling hooha was just meant to bolster the ranks of the adult CGs. Seems like there wasn't really any thought put into the youth ministry. Or something unexpected cropped up in the middle of it all.

Most of my W429 comrades couldn't catch the excitement as well. Oh well, it'll probably take some time.

I'm also regretful to admit that I've been overwhelmed by the circumstances in school, that I failed to keep to my promise of bringing friends to the Easter services. My heart was far too hardened, steeped in hatred and frustration. Pray that the Lord cleanse me of these undesirable feelings.

My leaders have been preaching how 2009 will be the best year yet for us. Seems like the contrary is happening for me. 2009 can be a highly-primed candidate for worst year yet for me if my life continued this way. Take a look at the major happenings in my life in just a short span of 4 months.

February: Tension headaches escalating in pain. Needed to consult a psychiatrist. Got into a cold war with my mum cos' I refused to confide in her.

March - Present: Got into deep conflicts with my project mates. Soured relationships. Disappointed with the lack of support from friends whom I thought I could trust.

I just feel so alone in times of tribulations such as these...

Gotta get my life back on track this Easter.

Alright, I knowww that I've promised to stop ranting about school problems, but I've not had such a shitty screwed-up feeling for a very long time, and I just need to let it all loose on this blog, so that it won't plague me in my sleep. (-_-")

The all-nighter was much more horrendous than I thought. There was an unwritten code of mutual agreement (or reluctant compliance) that no one was supposed to sleep, even catching a short 30 minutes nap, if another project mate was busy with his work. So, besides surrendering to the ZZZ monster involuntarily occasionally for 5-10 minutes or so, we were awake throughout the night, lasting until noon today. And I had my usual lessons until 5 PM. Madness, really. =.=

And guess what? We were rushing our project on the 11th hour because their ambitious attitudes couldn't accept minor flaws and spent precious time correcting petty design decisions, instead of securing a stable program for presentation tomorrow. Somehow, I could predict that things would screw up when we tried putting together our project, and I was right.

So... Now, we've got an incomplete functional system, and we'll probably get marked down for poor integration. So, that leads me to the question: What purpose did all the late nights and hard effort served? Pffttt...

I really can't stand this awkward atmosphere anymore. What I'm upset with is also their indifference towards me. Especially when I'm treated that way by a supposedly close friend of mine whom I've confided in for the past 2 years.

One of my project mate always emo about her health problems, complaining about the slightest stomachache, mistaking intestinal cramps for food poisoning, and she always receive concern. Heck, I'm the one who's officially diagnosed with IBS and tension headaches, and I silently suffered an extremely bad IBS attack late in the night, whereas everyone else had their fun and laughter, health problems notwithstanding.

Seems like the only times they talked to me the entire night (and morning) were when they demanded work from me. If our friendship was so superficial, I wonder why I stepped into it the first place... I mean, if I felt much more comfortable being around my weird JSS project acquaintance, then something must be really, really wrong.

I guess trials and tribulations lead to crossroads. Coming Year 3, I must make a decision whether to break free from them and find true friendship built on mutual trust and respect, or continue staying in my comfort zone, getting shoved around by them, and act as if nothing happened for the entire semester.

I know everyone's kinda sick of my school rants. But I'm just gonna rant one last time lol. =S

Well, tension finally boiled over when my project mate demanded that I change my Java code to suit his 'ideals' for the program. Shit la, I spent days coding that, and just one sentence from him, I need to change everything?

He went on to say how I've underperformed for the Flash project and he's been covering my ass all these while. And... We went on to quarrel for quite sometime. But somehow, it felt good after the big row cos' weeks of bottled-up feelings were finally released.

My relationships with them improved justtt a teeny-weeny bit, and when I thought it was all fine and dandy, I was in for a rude shock when they intend to chiong the project overnight. First time staying in school until 4 AM. Great. (=.=) Luckily the girls made their intentions known to leave by 4 AM, if not the madness would have continued till the next morning.

The guy suggested that I should stay a little while longer so that I can catch the first bus. Thanks, but no thanks. When I casually commented that my mum would get worried sick, he said "ji shui liao? (how old are you?)". I seriously can't see the connection between how old I am and my mum's concern for me.

He could say all these insensitive things to me, but in front of the girls, act like a wimp and allow them to bully him, but still able to muster his broken ego to amuse them with jokes. What a friggin' clown. Srsly... What happened to the guys nowadays? (>.<)

And they're probably planning another all-nighter. Oh well, just tahan 3 more days, and it'll be all over.

But srsly, can't they take things into perspective? They're such perfectionists, demanding every single detail to be perfect. I spent 3 hours coding something in Flash, but due to escalating demands, I spent another 4-5 hours tweaking my program to meet their demands. And guess what? The part which I'm coding yields a grand total of 0.5 marks for the final grade. (>.<)

Assuming every module is 100 marks. 5 modules = 500 marks. This project = 30 marks. They spend their whole friggin' time on this, and what happens to the other 470 marks? Moderation is the key, my friends. No wonder they're struggling in their math modules cos' they just don't know how to make use of their time efficiently! Look, I rather get all Bs, then A for one subject, and Cs (and the occasional D/F) for the rest.

Probably an indication for me to broaden my horizons next semester. The girls are too clingy to each other. The guys... Nuff' said. When we get together as a group of 5, I feel as if I'm the odd one out. I've not felt so restrained in a friendship before. Even superficial church friendships feel much more comfortable than this.

Dang, this really sucks. I could finish an arts research essay in under 3 hours, similarly yielding 30 marks for the final grade. And to program something worth 0.5 marks, I spent 7-8 hours? That's the enormous discrepancy between Arts/Biz and Engin/Computing. So, I really hate how Arts students complain that their workload is horrendous, cos' mine is definitely worse. >:(

Okok... I'll stop emo-ing already... Haha... :) Hopefully, by my next blog post, the happy-go-lucky Benedict would return. Tomorrow will be a better day! Errr... Who am I kidding when an all-nighter project meeting is in store for me? (>.<)