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Name: Lim Fang Wei Benedict
Alias: MightyFlameboy
D.O.B: 22/10/1986
Likes: Japan, music, fashion, computer games, travelling

KC
Debbie
Janet
Jamie
Valerie
Vanessa
Victor
Elicia
Wendy
Adeline
Jonathan Lexing Tan
StudioForMan
Inchz Couture
Joyce's Fashion Shop

June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010

designer: frozen.d}
resources: x

Supposed to meet our lab tutor today for advice, but my friend forgot to bring his thumbdrive and thus had an incomplete picture to show her. So, we went right back to our mundane routine of perfecting our individual bits.

Project meetings are kinda awkward for me recently. I have this perpetual (but hidden from sight) flame boiling in me for reasons stated in the previous blog post, whereas the rest are nonchalant and having their usual fun, while I sit alone silently, furiously trying to get this shit done and over with.

Well, I have a project mate who is always late but somehow, they can spontaneously break into jokes when she comes, seemingly without caring about her punctuality issues (but personally, I have no issues with that project mate since she can deliver work really well, and she's an alright friend to me).

And the project mate who was previously working with me? She also has similar level of Flash proficiency as I do, and naturally, she has to ask as many questions as I do. They seemed really patient in coaching her, but rather grudgingly, slipshod when it comes to my turn to ask questions?

I used to pity girls for societal inconveniences, such as sexual harassment etc, but hey, I've just discovered the advantages of being a girl! (-_-")

Anyhow, I've really pushed myself these past few weeks to improve my Flash skills, and I think I'm doing pretty well. Just that their expectations of me continue to rise and I don't think I can keep this up any longer... =(

It's like... I do #1 which A wants me to do. It's challenging but I did it anyhow, and boy, am I happy! Alright, so A & B got down to discussion about my work, and B has different opinions. He thinks I should do #2 instead. After further debate, they settled on #3, and shit rolls down on me.

Ok... So then, I do #3, and it goes right back to the start of the sequence... How the heck do I get out of this "infinite loop" (Peeps learning Java knows this term lol)?

And they expect me to be a bona fide graphic designer in a matter of days. So... From drawing cartoonish lions, they want me to come up with fanciful animations and designs. I don't mean to slack, and I'll learn if I can, but RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A HECTIC SCHOOL TERM? I mean... SRSLY? (-_-")

I still got 2 arts projects which are not even 20% each done yet. I seriously can't waste time on this anymore. I can probably give another full day or 2 to this, but I must start on my other projects ASAP. My conscience will be clear since I've completed what is originally required out of me.

Oh well, my stuff ordered online from Taiwan is finally here, so that dispelled my emo mood a little. Tho' my new hairstyle isn't helping things much. Dang, my friend said that it looks like an NS crewcut. (>.<)

This week was pretty rough... Having to go back to school on a Saturday afternoon really stinks... And when I thought Sunday couldn't get much worse, that's when the saying "the worst has yet to come" hit me right on my forehead.

Well, as some background info, I'm doing a Flash project, showcasing a handphone model, similar to those computer interfaces u see in handphone shops. I'm in charge of the rotation interface. U know? That part where u use the mouse to manipulate the position of the handphone.

My project mates know I suck in Flash but they have such high expectations of me. I've never once thought of slacking, but hey, at least assign me a task that is manageable by my standards?

Originally, I was working on this together with a friend. Then, they pulled her out for her to do another thing. So, I'm supposed to fend for myself. It's ok, I'm fine with that.

What I'm frustrated with is that they continued to assign me other tasks such as graphics, animation, codes not taught in lab sessions, other sub-sections of the project, which exceeds the workload which 2 of us were originally supposed to be in charge of. And if u're forgetting, I'm alone now.

But I guess that's still fine, cos' there are bound to be unexpected changes over the course of the project. What I'm genuinely pissed with is their attitude towards me. They never said it out loud, but they're subtly implying I'm a blardy slacker.

I've got a feeling they think I'm slack for the first half of the project. But what the f*** am I supposed to do if I don't even have the images of the handphone to work with (the handphone used for my project is with the friend who was originally working with me)? And surprisingly, that friend of mine seems to be devoid of blame although she was on my side of the team for that period of time. Maybe she's a girl so she gets special treatment?

Ok, so now I'm alone. I have to code stuff which I've not learnt in labs. Fine with that. But I'm gonna have many questions to ask since I'm a Flash dummy. And when I ask them for help, they would sarcastically go "Walao simple thing also dunno... Give u so many weeks to learn liao..." and grudgingly help me out. Woah, thanks for the encouragement, man!

I know I'm a liability cos' I'm such a noob, and I know that they've done alot for the project, but that doesn't give them any right to snub me and trample on my ego. I mean... I really appreciate their hard work alot... But please kindly show the respect due to me. I know I'm slack compared to them, but no way do I consider myself slack in the absolute sense of the term. I'm always one of the earliest to turn up for project meetings. I may be slow in picking things up, but I swear I have always tried my best.

Can't really blame me if they are overly ambitious in making this project so 'perfect' that they expect me to program something so flawless, despite knowing the limitations of my capabilities? If I had used a simpler method to program my part of the project, my life would be so much relaxed. But since they expect me to use fanciful stuff, at least be more understanding and kindly give me some leeway to learn properly instead of rushing me like a mad cow?

Definitely one of the more major project conflicts since the 1st one during my 1st semester. I promised Kristal that I'm gonna be a lone wolf from Yr 1, Sem 2 onwards, since projects would only destroy friendships. I'd rather do projects with some ah tiongs if it meant that I could avoid conflicts with friends who matter to me. I won't hold anything back to scold them if they're slacking, and I won't care a rat's ass if they scold me.

Held off that plan of being a lone wolf for so long. It may be time to start executing that plan from next semester onwards... And I'm getting rather desperate in grabbing the air tix to Japan for a semester to get away from all these craziness...

My dear sister-in-Christ, Debbie, has finally turned 21! =) Wow, her party was really well done up, and her costume was like "woah!". Haha! =P Hope u had a memorable 21st birthday party, Debbie! (^_^)

As the night came to a close, I slowly sank back into reality. Project deadlines drawing nearer. Strained friendships due to project conflicts. Burning the midnight oil perfecting my projects, I don't even have time to revise for my final exams properly. Definitely one of the most hellacious semester as of yet for me. =(

U say, it can't be that bad? Well, guess what, I have a last minute project meeting tomorrow. On a friggin' Saturday. And my project mates plan to chiong through the night. I'd still need to plead with them to let me go earlier so that I could go to church. Go figure.

But hey, my SEP application got approved! HELL YEA! I'll be gone to Japan this time next year for a good 4 months. Finally, a motivation for me to work towards! Gosh, this country is driving me nuts by the day! (>.<)

Just barely a day after I blogged and rant about not bumping into the kawaii NUS girl for the whole of last week, I BUMPED INTO HER JUST NOW! WEEE! (^_^) But duhhh... She was with a guy... I hope he isn't her BF... (>.<)

Anyway, I overheard them conversing in Japanese naturally (it's easy to differentiate Singaporean's broken Japanese, peppered with Singlish, from natural fluent Japanese conversation). I guessed that one of them must be Japanese! If the girl is the one who's Japanese, AHHH!!!

Well, even though I don't know whether she's Japanese or not, I know she speaks Japanese, so that provides a topic for me to approach her with. I plucked up my courage and decided to give it a try when we head back to Lakeside where it was more private.

She was right behind me when we were queuing up to board 96, but as usual, the typical kiasu Singaporean and unruly ah tiongs shove their way through, and our distance grew further apart... I managed to board the bus, but she didn't. (>.<)

Well, luckily, her bus was right behind mine, so I tried walking slowly so that she could catch up, but I couldn't walk so slow or else it'll be too obvious! I guessed I walked too fast cos' when the train door closed before me, I saw her coming up from the escalator. BAH!

One last ditch attempt: At Lakeside station. But I can't seem to spot her in the sea of crowds. =(

Machiam like that cheesy movie "Turn Left, Turn Right", but it's only then that I realized that it can actually happen in real life. Sighhh...

Gotta quit being emo LOL! Debbie's birthday party is coming up tomorrow! =)

This is madness... 2 arts research essays and 2 computing projects due in less than a month... All my project mates are hounding me to produce work and avail myself for project meetings. Can't I get a breather!? At least I rest well in the comfort that all these will be over soon... Just gotta tahan the next few weeks... Sleepless nights, here I come! =S

What a typical mundane boring week for me... I didn't get to bump into that kawaii chiobu whom I mentioned the previous post for the entire week. =( No email confirmation has arrived regarding my SEP to Japan. I desperately need to break away from this society for a little while!

Oh yeah, last Saturday, our SoC clique attended Cynthia's birthday party at her house. Haha, it was rather interesting cos' that was the first time I attended a birthday party at a house, instead of the more popular chalet resorts.

Cynthia sure does have many pretty girlfriends! Hongyi and I were ogling at some babe at the party. Ops... =X

And... next up, Debbie's birthday party! =) Wow, I've been to so many girls' birthday parties this year, friends who aren't in close contact with me probably think that I've become a ladies' man. ROFL! =D

I'm still pretty clueless what I should wear for her party. =S The themes for all the birthday parties which I went to are super hard to follow la. Nautica, superhero, prince, and now Moulin Rouge. =P Hope my next friend who invites me to his/her party would have a school uniform theme, so I can steal the limelight by wearing my cool Japanese schoolboy jacket! =D

Going back to school tomorrow, although it's my only free day. This blows. Can't wait for uni to get over and done with.

Whew... Rough week indeed... Slept on average 6 or less hours each day because I have to revise for tests... And I just got wind of news that I have yet another friggin' test next Wednesday? University studies in Singapore is really brutal... (-_-")

But STILL! Thank God for the little things in life! =D I don't know whether it is a coincidence or not, but God has been blessing me tremendously in anything and everything Japanese in my life for the past few weeks. (^_^)

1) Finally received my results for JLPT3... And shockingly, I got... 381/400!? My class averaged at about 320+ and I was a full 60 marks above the average, so to speak. Haha, I'm not boasting, cos' the real challenge would be JLPT2 and JLPT1. But it's a good start! =)

2) For my linguistic course in NUS, I was fearing the worst, since I was the weakest linguist amongst my peers. Well, I got 40/50, which isn't phenomenal for FASS modules since people can actually score full marks (>.<), but I should be at least in the top 30% for the midterms. Praying for a similar performance for my final exams. Praise the Lord!

3) KC bro jio-ed me on a last minute online shopping spree held by his friend! Technically, it's Korean fashion, not Japanese, but I'm still grateful for the lobang. =D

4) I kept bumping into this Japanese-looking (but sadly, should be Singaporean) girl from NUS on my way to school! (^_^) She goes to Lakeside station too, so I guess she stays near me. It's as if the feeling of infatuation hit me just like the good ol' times in secondary school *ROFL*! Hope this coincidental fate continues to keep up. =)

5) I lost hope that my SEP application would not be approved since it has been months since I've applied without a reply. But I just got the reply a few days ago! And I went for the interview too. =D Should be approved as long as the courses I intend to take are available. My 3 choices are Kyushu University, Keio University and Tokyo Institute of Technology. I just can't wait! (^_^)

If I could answer the questions for Wednesday's test with ease, befriend the kawaii NUS "girl-next-door" (in the literal sense cos' we live near Lakeside *LOL*!), and get my SEP application officially approved, all within the span of next week, that'll make my week, man! =P

Oh, and for friends who are keeping up with my personal life saga, my mum and I are starting to reconcile once again, and should be back by normal before the end of this week. =) I doubt she hasn't fully understood my problems but better than having a 'cold war' which makes things really awkward at home. =S Thanks for the support thus far...

First time serving as backup vocalist at combined CGM tomorrow. Hope I don't get the jitter bugs. =S And following up, Cynthia's birthday party! =D Gotta rest early for a busy day ahead. Cya guys!

And... the shopping itch persisted... >.< This fateful evening, KC told me about his friend organizing an online shopping spree, and I grabbed the opportunity of cos'...

Pleasantly surprised that a bag of that design costs only about $35. I'm hoping the material is good enough. (>.<) My imported bag from Japan isn't of that great quality, is small, and costs about $100. Grrr... >:(

Okay, the shirts I bought were purely based on impulse. Hahaha! (^_^) Actually, I wanted to play safe and buy a black shirt, but decided to try something new. Hopefully, pink doesn't look that gay on me. (>.<) Man, that model is so good-looking, it really makes me have the impression that I'd similarly look good.

Impulse attack #3! If u've read my previous blog spot, u would know that I kinda like black shirts with a little dash of white for contrast. So... I bought it as well... (>.<) All these are Korean fashion. Just in time for my holiday trip to Korea this May with my parents! (^_^) Going to Jeju Island and visiting TEDDY BEAR MUSEUM YAYYY!!! =D Back to my personal life, my mother is kinda upset with me that I'm not confiding in her about my problems. But I just don't know how to put it across to her, since it's complicated and I'm not used to telling her my problems. So, she frustratedly gave up and decided to consult my psychiatrist, which means splurging unwanted cash again.

I know she's concerned about me, but I guess she's showing it the wrong way. Our family isn't one that's built on affection, so in times such as this, it can create pretty awkward situations. And she's probably distracted by the opportunity cost she would incur from taking leave from office to consult my psychiatrist, and that universal money issue, so all the more I felt unwilling to confide in her cos' her concern isn't exactly 100%...

Woah, I can't believe my study time at home is kinda fruitful for the past week. Exams really forces and pushes us to break out of our comfort and mug painstakingly. Hoping that I can keep this up, so that I can get better grades and better qualify for SEP. I desperately need that SEP to Japan, a half year break from the drudgery of this society. *tired*

Time to go... Yet another week of school... And Cynthia's birthday party this Saturday has a prince-princess theme? Omg, where am I gonna find prince-y looking clothes in such a short span of time? (>.<)

Thanks for all the concern, guys! Feeling slightly better le... And yet another chapter of my life has closed as I had my 3rd and final consultation with my psychiatrist. She made me promise to be self-reliant in coping with my emotions, and try my best not to depend on medication. Looks like it's a battle I'll have to fight by myself (and with God), and I'll do my best...

No idea why, but an impulse hit me this week and I researched on the cosplay shop in Far East, and found out that they sell Japanese uniforms. My windbreaker is a lil' spoilt, and getting a lil' smelly, so I wanted something to replace it. Rather than buying the typical run-of-the-mill Singaporean favourite (for whatever reason) Adidas windbreaker, I decided to go with something that would make me stand out from the crowd.

Ok, that was probably 90% an excuse. I just wanna have a feel of what's it like to be a Japanese student. =D And so, that impulse led me to chiong down to Far East on Wednesday before my Japanese class. =S None of the available uniforms fitted me, so I had the salesgirl take down my measurements and have it custom-made in Japan.

Coming in about a month's time. Weee!!!