WARNING! --> Big rant ahead... >.<
(Monday, October 13, 2008/12:19 AM)
/*Rant start*/
What a week this was... Probably a solid candidate for 'worst week of 2008'... My head felt as if it was gonna explode towards the end of the week... My chronic stomach ailment emerged from dormancy and started to hurt like friggin' HELL again... My schedule on Saturday was changed at least 4-5 times, due to unforeseen circumstances. I don't even know where to start...
Unforeseen circumstances? "Wow, sounds interesting!" Yeah, damn right u are. After shuttling to and fro 2 specialists on the same day for medical consultation, I went back home, rested awhile in preparation to go for church service later on, and at 1.40 PM, goddamn army called me and said that I had been friggin' activated for MOBILIZATION at some shitty ulu camp which I have not heard of.
Wait... That's not the best part. Usually, mobilizations are informed way in advance to help us get mentally prepared as the dates draw nearer. I've not received a SINGLE email, letter or SMS notifying me of this latest mob exercise. Woohoo, talk about pleasant surprises, eh? And the hotline service sucks to the core. Apparently, in the entire army, the "shit rolls down" mentality works universally. It was only the 5th number which I called, when the operator actually is well-informed about the mob exercise. The 4 operators before him were merely pushing the task to one another. How can we claim to be 3G when they fail terribly at a simple matter like this!?
That's not even the best part. The best part is... The 1st guy who called me, notified me of the activation at 1.40 PM. And activation time? ONE friggin' o'clock. And I have to report N+3, meaning 4 PM. So apparently, the army thinks that I'm from the SWAT team. I had about 2 hours to overcome this mental shock, dig up my army stuff from the cupboard, and go to this ulu camp, and while all these are happening, I don't think I have an inkling of what's was going on.
I didn't bother to go to this dumb mob exercise. I wasn't feeling well and I'm covered by my specialist and GP anyway. But I gotta go out of the way and return to my specialist's clinic to get my endorsement letter on Monday. Which means I have to skip one lecture in the morning. Great... Just great... Army f***s u up just great.
That really made me day. It really has. What made me even more depressed is that I came down with a bad diarrhoea and my mum advised me to stay at home. They're going to Japan a week for holidays, and I felt that I should do the least I could as a son and have a nice dinner with them and send them off at the airport. Instead, I sat alone at home, lonely, frustrated at the turn of events.
Luckily, I had Kristal to confide in, otherwise I'll probably break down on Saturday. My spirit was so heavy, that I decided not to go to church, since I couldn't concentrate anyway. Nevertheless, none of my church mates found it weird that I wasn't around. I've not received a single SMS from anyone. I voiced my frustrations through my MSN display message, and besides Kristal, only Ivan and Yong Loong could sense my troubles. Thank God for placing these friends in my life.
But anyway, I'm so sick of people giving me the obligatory "Are u feeling better?", then for the rest of the day, they go about doing their own selfish things without true consideration for my situation. Where's the goddamn point in that? I don't need anyone's sympathy. In fact, I feel so weak and powerless whenever people show this superficial concern for me. Or worse, joke about my health problems. It's not friggin' funny once u experience ur first chronic illness. U'll discover the intricate ironies in life. For me, being fit as a bull during NS and having my health degrade so rapidly for the past 2 years is a glaring irony in my life, which I would probably have to live with for the rest of my mortal life.
What I really need... is understanding. Without words being explicitly expressed, I know that u genuinely care for me. U'll know when I'm feeling unwell and need support. U'll know when I'm feeling well enough, that u need not openly express ur concerns, because u understand that it'll cause harm to my self-esteem if u incessantly enquire about my health. When I say that I can't make it for something cos' I'm not feeling well, or cos' I have a truckload of work to finish, u'll understand fully and graciously give me the benefit of doubt. I simply hate the vibe of skepticism I'm receiving from some important people in my life... I shan't mention names...
After popping 6 kinds of medications (impressive huh?) and several other supplements, my health has gradually stabilized. Thank God for His grace. But my emotional health might remain an uphill struggle, as deadlines of projects are running near, while having to settle the mess army created for me. All these happening while my mum is overseas, and my brother probably taking advantage of the fact that he has full control of my father's car and comes back only in the wee hours of the morning. I reckon I'd all alone in this house for the rest of the week. My mum has always been my pillar of support and I feel rather helpless without her around.
But oh well, I'll survive. With God's help. I just hope that everything gets back in order before my birthday, cos' it's shaping up dangerously to be miserable. Nothing can be worse than my 20th birthday, when I did COS duty on my actual birthday, and then denied my rights of claiming a birthday timeoff due to a last min army commitment. Right? I sincerely hope so...
To those who perservered reading all the way till here, I thank you for lending a listening ear. U might just be one of the friends who really understand me. =D I'm sorry for my pessimism recently. I promise I'll try my best to be more optimistic. =)
/*Rant end*/
posted by MightyFlameboy.
shoot me? | 0 shot me.